What is a punk’s preferred form of contraception? Of course, we are talking about punks of both genders here, Ms Punk and Mr Punk. Yep lady punks sometimes get pregnant and become mummy punks, replacing nihilism with nurturing, which may not always work so well for a bloke punk’s image. As Clint Eastwood famously said, as Harry Callahan, “do you feel lucky punk?”, as he spun the chambers of his Magnum 44. This scene could be playing in the mind of our bloke punk, as he pumps away sans skins or any other form of contraception; because once the missus is up the duff playing punk goes out the window old son.

Having children is the time when you stop being children. So if you want to keep your Doc Martins on and your genital piercings in place, you better ask yourself what is my preferred contraceptive method? That is unless you are a Roman Catholic punk, but if that is the case you must be pretty bloody confused already. Wearing rubbers is the usual rain coat business but what if you are like Gene Kelly and are happiest singing in the rain? You like the feel of that wetness downstairs and like to splash about a bit. What about a bit of IUD old son? The Intra-Uterine Device and we are not talking James Bond here. I think all of us blokes wish we were intra-uterine, as much as possible, but these dangling bits of copper get the job done.

Intrauterine devices can also be hormonal with progestogen. Basically they both disrupt and prevent sperm from doing their job; which sounds pretty punk to me. Think of a riot with stand up guys and girls running amok and doing the heads of coppers in. The IUD damages sperm so that they are stopped from getting it on with an egg and making little punks. These devices have a great reputation for reliability and effectiveness.

I do have a personal story, about when bonking this French chick of being stabbed in the eye of my penis by an IUD. I know it shouldn’t happen and you are all thinking about the prodigious length of my todger, but I also think it had something to do with the device not being properly in place. It was incredibly painful, imagine being in full flight, thrusting in and POW and YOW; it fucking hurt!